I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
