me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
