I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
