So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
