bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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