my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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