We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize