im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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