In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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