I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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