The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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