you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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