Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
