Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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