Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
