I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
