Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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