Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
