FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
