Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
