And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
