Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
