It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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