I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
