i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I color on your dick again?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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