i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize