I want to have your abortion
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
