i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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