I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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