Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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