don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
