I wish my penis had an off switch
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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