paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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