ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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