How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
