mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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