She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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