allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
