Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
