i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is dick and wine.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
