Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
