Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
