Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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