I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
