im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
being pregnant is like rehab
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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