It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
