he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
