I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
