i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
