I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
