I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
