Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
