If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize