i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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