Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
