If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
