yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
