Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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