Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We left the knife in your bed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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