apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
