we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
