God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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