So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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