i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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