His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
vagina is talking i cant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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