We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
