She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
