I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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