nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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